How to Start the Divorce Process: Filing for Divorce with Tracey Bee
Filing for Divorce, Financial Disclosures, and Protecting Yourself from Day One - Lawyer Tracey Bee and The Divorce Allies
With Pro Se Advocate Tracey Bee - Click Here for Video of The Divorce Allies “Circle”
Divorce doesn’t start in a courtroom. It starts in your mind—when you decide you're done being afraid, confused, or financially stuck.
Whether you're ready to file or just beginning to explore your options, knowing how to prepare before involving the courts can give you the power to protect yourself and your children. In this expert session with Tracy Bee—former attorney, pro se advocate, and founder of Divorce Solutionist—we cover the exact steps to take before filing, how to navigate financial disclosures, and why preparing early can save you time, money, and emotional energy.
📌 Step 1: Before You File—Pause and Plan
“Most people run out and look for answers externally—an attorney, a court, a therapist. But first, you need to look inward. You need to assess where you are emotionally, financially, and mentally.” —Tracy Bee
Before you even file, get grounded. Filing is a legal action. But strategy? That’s personal.
Tracy encourages women to:
Write down why they’re considering divorce
Document access to money and household accounts
Look at their expenses, debt, and credit card statements
Get emotionally clear about what they’re hoping for
📥 Download our free “Pre-Filing Readiness Checklist” from the Divorce Vault to walk through each of these steps.
🧾 Step 2: Understand Financial Disclosures (Before You're Forced To)
Every divorce requires full financial transparency. That includes:
Bank account statements (personal and joint)
Retirement accounts
Tax returns (last 3 years minimum)
Credit card and loan balances
Business financials (if applicable)
Pay stubs or income summaries
Why it matters: If you don’t know what you have, you can’t negotiate fairly. If your spouse is hiding assets, you’ll need to know how to subpoena, freeze, or document that behavior.
“Start gathering everything you can before they know you’re filing. People get strategic—especially if they’re hiding something.” —Melissa Gragg, financial mediator
📍 Step 3: Filing Isn't Just Paperwork. It’s Positioning.
Filing for divorce typically means submitting:
A petition for divorce
A summons (to notify your spouse)
A proposed parenting plan (if you have children)
Financial disclosure forms (some required at filing, some later)
But how you file matters. If your spouse is high-conflict or narcissistic, you may want to:
File with a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) to freeze accounts
Notify them via attorney, not directly
Have a custody or financial plan ready in advance
“People think the court will protect them. Often, it doesn’t. So you must be the one with the strategy.” —Tracy Bee
💰 Step 4: What If You Don’t Have Money to File?
If your spouse controls all the money, here’s what Tracy recommends:
Open your own checking account at a different bank
Save screenshots and transaction records showing lack of access
Take out your half of joint funds before filing, if it’s safe
File for temporary spousal support or access to marital funds at the same time you file for divorce
“The court may not give you relief for months. So you must act swiftly—and legally—to protect your ability to live and parent.” —Melissa Gragg
👩⚖️ Step 5: Know Your Judge (and Their Bias)
Not all judges think alike. That’s why Tracy urges clients to:
Sit in on courtroom hearings with your assigned judge
Ask court personnel and legal aid volunteers what they know
Look up prior case rulings, if possible
“The judge’s personal perspective on parenting, money, and control will influence your outcome more than the law. Know who you're dealing with.” —Tracy Bee
If you can’t observe in person (especially post-COVID), request transcripts or talk to attorneys who have worked with that judge before.
🎯 Step 6: You Will Have to Do Some of the Work
Even if you hire a lawyer, no one cares about your case like you do. That’s why Tracy advocates for hybrid representation—having a team of experts, but remaining the CEO of your case.
Here’s what that looks like:
✅ You create a timeline of your marriage and financial events
✅ You document parenting schedules, issues, or safety concerns
✅ You outline a settlement offer—before the court forces you into one
✅ You prepare to speak clearly and calmly to protect your children
🧠 Final Takeaway: Strategy Beats Emotion
“Divorce is emotional. But court is not. The sooner you learn to play chess instead of checkers, the better your outcome will be.” —Tracy Bee
Whether you’re trying to escape coercive control, get a fair financial settlement, or protect your kids from psychological harm, the truth is this:
⚠️ No one is coming to save you.
✅ But you can absolutely save yourself—with strategy, support, and structure.
📂 Want to Take the Next Step?
🎧 This blog is part of our Divorce Vault series.
Get access to:
The full 90-minute session with Tracy Bee
Checklists, scripts, and timelines to prepare for filing
Editable financial disclosure templates
Our “File With Strategy” Guidebook
